[i will praise you in this storm]
it seems like lately we've had struggle after struggle with little bear. there are so many silver linings, i know, but there are also a lot of dark clouds right now:
we had our ENT appointment to address some of the hearing issues and did not get encouraging news. that resulted in a surgeon appointment. most likely our adenoids are coming out. of course we can't get into the surgeon anytime soon, so we will have to wait another month before we even get a consult and who knows how much longer to actually get him the relief he needs. we also need to schedule a sleep study because there is worry about sleep apnea. struggle.
school has been a tough transition. just getting LB assigned to a school site was an ordeal in itself. in one day we were told three different school sites and because it took so long to figure it out we did not get to participate in meet the teacher night or anything. sometimes those things happen, so we weren't really mad just disappointed. it would have meant a lot to visit school with him. we are having daily problems with safe hands. there has been a lot of pushing and hitting. last week he hit an adult. today he hit and even bit a teacher. on top of that we've signed a few incident reports at daycare for the same kinds of issues. struggle.
the worst part about our hands is that cognitively, there is no way he understands. there is no way to link for him our conversations at home and his behavior at school. we feel 100% totally powerless. we keep telling ourselves that there has been almost six years of who knows what modeled for him and only six weeks of our house, but it's very frustrating to say the least. how do you help someone who has no idea what you're saying? how do you stop behavior when you're not there? i know we shouldn't feel shame because this is not a product of our doing, but it is embarrassing. then i feel bad for feeling embarrassed. it shouldn't matter because we know the heart of the issue, but still the negative self-talk is relentless. struggle.
work production at both home and school is slow and stamina for tasks is extremely difficult. it's rare to get even the simplest of tasks done without so many prompts it's exhausting. how can we expect him to make progress if we can't hold attention for more than 45 seconds? what we grasp so well one moment we totally forget the next. i don't know how our special education teachers do it. i really do not. it just feels like we are spinning our wheels day after day. struggle.
visits with bio-parent are also really hard right now. behaviors go un-checked and then we have to deal with the mess--literally and figuratively. it is not fun to ask tough questions and look like the big meanies all the time. it's not fun to have to document the shortcomings of a parent. it's not fun to spend two or three days undoing what you know will be redone in two or three more days. spinning our wheels. struggle.
in spite of the aforementioned mess we are trying to stay positive and we are trying to stay realistic. heck, some days we are just trying to stay sane. we know that because this work is hard that is must also be valuable. i am confident this is what He meant when he said love one another. this is what it means to be His hands and feet. unfortunately, knowing that doesn't make us any less human. and that means sometimes we just have really tough days.
pray for us, all, but more importantly, pray for little bear.
we had our ENT appointment to address some of the hearing issues and did not get encouraging news. that resulted in a surgeon appointment. most likely our adenoids are coming out. of course we can't get into the surgeon anytime soon, so we will have to wait another month before we even get a consult and who knows how much longer to actually get him the relief he needs. we also need to schedule a sleep study because there is worry about sleep apnea. struggle.
school has been a tough transition. just getting LB assigned to a school site was an ordeal in itself. in one day we were told three different school sites and because it took so long to figure it out we did not get to participate in meet the teacher night or anything. sometimes those things happen, so we weren't really mad just disappointed. it would have meant a lot to visit school with him. we are having daily problems with safe hands. there has been a lot of pushing and hitting. last week he hit an adult. today he hit and even bit a teacher. on top of that we've signed a few incident reports at daycare for the same kinds of issues. struggle.
the worst part about our hands is that cognitively, there is no way he understands. there is no way to link for him our conversations at home and his behavior at school. we feel 100% totally powerless. we keep telling ourselves that there has been almost six years of who knows what modeled for him and only six weeks of our house, but it's very frustrating to say the least. how do you help someone who has no idea what you're saying? how do you stop behavior when you're not there? i know we shouldn't feel shame because this is not a product of our doing, but it is embarrassing. then i feel bad for feeling embarrassed. it shouldn't matter because we know the heart of the issue, but still the negative self-talk is relentless. struggle.
work production at both home and school is slow and stamina for tasks is extremely difficult. it's rare to get even the simplest of tasks done without so many prompts it's exhausting. how can we expect him to make progress if we can't hold attention for more than 45 seconds? what we grasp so well one moment we totally forget the next. i don't know how our special education teachers do it. i really do not. it just feels like we are spinning our wheels day after day. struggle.
visits with bio-parent are also really hard right now. behaviors go un-checked and then we have to deal with the mess--literally and figuratively. it is not fun to ask tough questions and look like the big meanies all the time. it's not fun to have to document the shortcomings of a parent. it's not fun to spend two or three days undoing what you know will be redone in two or three more days. spinning our wheels. struggle.
in spite of the aforementioned mess we are trying to stay positive and we are trying to stay realistic. heck, some days we are just trying to stay sane. we know that because this work is hard that is must also be valuable. i am confident this is what He meant when he said love one another. this is what it means to be His hands and feet. unfortunately, knowing that doesn't make us any less human. and that means sometimes we just have really tough days.
pray for us, all, but more importantly, pray for little bear.
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