{Choose Carefully}

I am fortunate to work on a team with some of the smartest, kindest, most genuine people I have ever met.  In a profession that is too often thankless, they are a bright spot in my life.  Yesterday, we attended a workshop downtown together and seized the opportunity to catch up over lunch.  Of course, most of our conversation was related to work and our never-ending to-do lists.  But eventually we began sharing about winter break plans and upcoming holidays.  While I was listening, I began to notice the amount of angst holidays can cause.  During a time that should be joyful, we spend a majority of our time trying to prove ourselves worthy, appease our family, and simply survive.

I think one of the greatest choices we make each day is who to surround ourselves with.  Our friends and family can should help insulate us from the sadness and difficulties of the outside world.  They should celebrate with us and for us. It's our choice.  The people we surround ourselves with define who we are.  If we subject ourselves to those who are negative, insecure, or destructive, it will affect us.  Regardless of how strong we are, we are not immune to a constant surrounding of negative energy or bad influence.  Choose wisely.

When Ryan came to live with us, Tyler and I made a promise that we would not invite or involve anyone in our lives that would not fully accept and love him.  It's not easy, but we are hyper-aware of the effect of relationships in his life.  Even before he came into our family we understood that biology is the least of what constitutes a family.  But the cost of a major life change (marriage, divorce, adoption, moving) is not everyone agrees with you or supports you.  This journey is hard and it's hard to understand, right?  I've had people ask me why we chose to parent a child with special needs. Some have hinted that we are trying to prove ourselves to be special, faith filled or we just may not have thought this through.  They know our time alone as a couple is non existent (pair parenthood with 2 high-speed careers).  They see the way our life is stretched thin.  Some choose to continue our friendships (even though we aren't always the most consistent company).  Others have stopped asking, and that's ok, too.  Again, choose relationships carefully.

What I have found is the friendships that have remained (and those that have began since) are so special and authentic.  There is no pretending that this is all easy and smooth.  They also see the absolute beauty that exists, the way Ryan is changing all of us.  Those who take the time to know Ryan get why he is in our family.  He belongs with us and we belong with him.

I encourage you to think about the relationships in your life.  Use this time of year to reevaluate who you spend your time with.  Be thankful for friends and family that accept you and root for you.  Bless others with your acceptance and love.  Spend these precious holidays seeking the best in others and letting your best shine.  At the end of the day, count your blessings before your obstacles and count your friends before your enemies.

{she}