[simple, not easy: my first whole30]

i did a whole30. give me a prize! ok, so maybe it's not the biggest of accomplishments, but it was an adventure. so how terrible was it? why did i do it? blah blah blah. let's knock out some of these easy ones right away:

did it suck?
what kind of dumbass question is that? of course it sucked. the entire plan is based on the idea that if the food is fast, cheap, and easy you can't eat it. no booze. oh and don't even chew gum. so pre-plan everything a million hours beforehand, don't eat ketchup because of evil sugar grams, and make sure you only buy lettuce from people who smell like hemp.

why did you do it?
i'm not sure. my wife was doing it and she hella peer pressured me i guess.

did you lose weight?
yes. i didn't keep  track until 7 or 10 days in but somewhere in the neighborhood of 12-15 lbs i believe. i know it was >10 lbs.

will you do it again?
probably. depriving yourself is fun in a subversive kind of way.

how do you feel?! amazing? i bet it's amazing! 
well i still have crushing student debt and i'm pretty tentative about the whole "taco bell serving breakfast" thing so: pretty anxious.

on a serious-er note, it was a great experience and, overall, i do feel like i have a better handle on the trajectory of my health. in case you didn't know, 10/10 doctors recommend having a handle on the trajectory of your health over abysmal tailspin. it wasn't all organic sunshine and non-gmo roses, though. here's the real dirt:

how i cheated:
the whole30 czars are pretty brutal. the ladies who authored the meal plan are not messing around. they probably would say i came pretty close to doing a true whole30 but that i missed the mark slightly. no i didn't have a weak moment and down a sonic shake. no i didn't sneak bites here and there of ryan's off-meal foods. i was really great with the big obvious stuff. the areas i jacked up where as follows:

• i kept chewing gum. i don't compulsively chew gum or anything, but I do chew it. you're not supposed to have it because of the sugar. screw that. i'm not worried about the pack of extra in my desk.
• i ate the fajita veggies at chipotle. also a no-no. they're cooked in rice oil which is banned on whole30. decided i didn't care. still don't. 
• i used a little seasoned salt. sugar. who knew. we stopped once we knew, but we'd been using so many fresh herbs and just salt and pepper that it was a small amount. don't care. will know for next time. 
• i ate plantain chips even after they were banned. about 2/3 of the way through my 30 days the whole30 czars decided to ban plantain chips. terrible idea. still ate them. no regrets. 

that's it. really. other than the above, i stayed on program to the best of my knowledge. 

what was easy:
the whole30 journey carves a winding road with lots of distractions along the way, but there are parts that were no big deal. it's not all hard all the time. even if my "easy" isn't the same as your "easy", there are probably parts of the plan you wouldn't mind. i didn't have an issue with:

• cutting out the dairy. we had stopped buying cow milk a while back and even though i've always thought of myself as a cheese lover, i can honestly say it wasn't something i recall craving or wanting to cheat for. 
• eating the good stuff. i am not someone who "doesn't like" fruit or veg. adding clean food wasn't a big issue. 
• cooking all. the. time. whole30 requires lots of quality time in your kitchen. you have to plan, prep, and think ahead. luckily i don't mind cooking and kelly actually discovered she enjoyed it more herself the deeper we got into the process. 

what was surprising:
so i thought kelly and i had played this game before. we've eaten healthy. i ate no meat for a year. we've juiced for health. even still, this plan was different and so i had some surprises in store i didn't expect: 

• never got a big boost in energy. i think i had *some* more energy than before, but i did not really ever feel like i turned a corner and got that big boost some people describe. i want a refund.
• nearly stopped snacking between meals. man do i love a good snack. it wasn't unusual to have some popcorn or a bowl of cereal or a 16oz porterhouse as a snack after dinner. that pretty much stopped without trying. once my body was getting the goods, three squares a day was enough. 
• made it through kelly's karaoke bar bday bash and st. patrick's day without drinking. enough said. i'll take my Nobel now.
• food became an agent for family bonding. farmer's markets, new grocery stores, farms, cooking, planning, preparing. it all resulted in positive family memories. dope. 

what was hard:
i'm pretty tired of writing but here are some things that were harder to get passed:

• so. much. meat. when you can't eat grains or beans you are kind of left with meat. a lot of meat. so much meat. i mean carrots only go so far. can i get a black bean fritter? good Lord!
• social aspect of meals out was tricky. gotta think. gotta plan. gotta be mocked. 
• sugar addiction is real. it's everywhere and in everything. pretty sure my toothpaste has sugar in it. 
• $$$. damn nature. you expensive. 

the last 30 days were a challenge, no doubt. the last 30 days were also really rewarding. i give it 2 thumbs up.