Lost, But Holding Hands

I am fortunate to work on a team with some of the smartest, kindest, most genuine people I have ever met.  In a profession that is too often thankless, they are a bright spot in my life.  Yesterday, we attended a workshop downtown together and seized the opportunity to catch up over lunch.  Of course, most of our conversation was related to work and our never-ending to-do lists.  But eventually we began sharing about winter break plans and upcoming holidays.  While I was listening, I began to notice the amount of angst holidays can cause.  During a time that should be joyful, we spend a majority of our time trying to prove ourselves worthy, appease our family, and simply survive. I think one of the greatest choices we make each day is who to surround ourselves with.  Our friends and family can should help insulate us from the sadness and difficulties of the outside world.  They should celebrate with us and for us. It's our choice.  The peo...

In April, all signs began to point towards finalization for our family of 3.  In fact, we left one of our court sessions so full of anticipation and so sure of God's plan that we moved forward with our plans to celebrate.  We drove straight to our travel agent and began planning our trip to Disney World.  We didn't have an exact adoption date and we knew we didn't want to go on our Gotcha vacation until all was official.  So, we took a leap of faith and picked November.  We began reading guide books, blogs, and gathering tips from anyone who would share.  We dreamed of our perfect vacation...to the point where we began to worry about the possible disappointment.  How could The Magic Kingdom really be that  magical?  Would these lists and plans come to fruition in the ways we imagined? We were incredibly blessed to find that our adoption process, while emotionally draining, did not draw itself out.  We celebrated Gotcha Day on September...

It's Gotcha Day y'all!  We will do our best to update throughout our adventure today! Last night we stayed up late to decorate!  We wanted Ryan to know that it was a special day as soon as he woke up! We woke up like it was Christmas morning and waited anxiously until an appropriate time to wake him up- there's a change of pace! Update: First stop of the day is breakfast at one of our favorite brunch places-First Watch!  Update: After breakfast we ventured to Build-a-Bear. We wanted Ryan to have something tangible to help him remember the day! Update: After it was all official we decided to venture to Sea Life Aquarium.  We ended the day with a great dinner surrounded by the people who helped make this last year enjoyable and survivable.  We do not overlook how blessed we truly are.   

Have you noticed that after you buy a new car or a new pair of shoes (or pretty much anything)- you start to notice others like it  everywhere ?  After I bought my Mazda, I started to see identical cars all over.  It seemed like my little car was at every red light, in every parking lot, on every highway.  I am sure there were just as many before...I never noticed.  Now I do.  Why is that? For me, it's the same way with foster parenting and adoption.  Before Ryan, it was easy for me to ignore the estimated 153,000,000 orphans worldwide.  That's right- 153 MILLION parent-less children.  That's astounding.  It's frustrating.  It's incredibly sad.  In the last year, I have encountered more families created through adoption than I ever had before.  Is it because I am more aware?  Is it because it's becoming more prevalent?  I'm not sure. Every August, during back-to-school week the school district I am a part of ...

Some mornings I wake up so aware of my mommy-failures, shortcomings, and the general instability of my feeble little heart.  I know God needs to do some kind of deep work in my heart and I welcome it. #insecurity There are moments that cause me to feel like a natural, like I have been doing this mommy thing for years.  Those moments are few and far between.  Then, there are moments- much more frequently- when my house is a disaster, dinner is take-out instead of homemade, and laundry piles spill over.  During those moments it is abundantly clear that parenthood is still new and I am not perfect. #failure I mean, come on, be honest, is there a woman out there who doesn't compare themselves to other women?  I am 100%, totally, undeniably guilty of being a chronic comparer (that's a word, right?).  I know better, but I can't stop. I'm not sure why. What a waste of my time . Deep down I know every mom is different and that one parenting style is not neces...

wow has a lot happened since we last wrote. most significantly LB's goal has been changed by the court from reunification to termination of parental rights. that means little bear's parents' rights would be legally terminated and he would be eligible for adoption. there are lots of steps in the process, but changing the goal was a big one and had to be the first thing to happen. forward. the next thing that has to happen, if a foster family is interested in adopting the child they've had in their home, is ensure they have a foster contract with the state. who knew that it also meant taking another round of classes and having an addendum to the original home study among other fun things. we lucked out when talking to our licensing worker and found a class that was just about to start. three short weeks later we were done with classes and ready for the addendum to be written. our worker will be here friday to do her adoption addendum visit and then we can cross that o...

You would be surprised {or maybe you wouldn't be} at the questions we get asked about Ryan and our choice to foster/adopt.  The comments from friends and family don't boggle us as much as the comments from acquaintances and even strangers.  I imagine that most questions and comments are made with the best intentions.  So here we go- top 5 most frequent comments: 5. So what's the story? Why was he taken away from his parents? I actually understand this one. Kids in care are somewhat of an anomaly and people are just seeking to understand. BUT it's not really anyone's business to know. We don't want someone airing our dirty laundry or family secrets to others, why would we do it to our child?  4. So don't you guys get paid to have him? Like how much is it? I knew this one girl who knew these people who fostered 6,538 kids a month just to make money off of them, blah, blah, blah the system's broken It's exactly NONEofYOURdamnBUSINESS a month. ...

The joy is in the journey. I woke up a few minutes before the boys so that I could update our poor, neglected blog before getting ready for church.  Unfortunately, by the time I made it to the couch to begin writing both the husband and the little one are awake.  From up in the bedroom I hear the sweet shouts of my loves asking for coffee and chocolate milk.  I must oblige because something about their sweet, simple conversations make me swoon. So off I go to make coffee and chocolate milk as I listen to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse begin playing in our bedroom.... We spent yesterday afternoon a "family adventure".  These are day trips that daddy plans much to mom's dismay (I do not do well in the unknown).  In the end, these daddy days are always incredibly fun, little man is tuckered out and I feel hugely blessed to be in love with such an amazing man.  So yesterday we loaded up the car and stopped for adventure day snacks at the gas station.  I like ...

1 per·fect   adjective   \ ˈ pər-fikt\ : having no mistakes or flaws : completely correct or accurate : having all the qualities you want in that kind of person, situation, etc. We all strive for it: the perfection.  It's everywhere- on television, in magazines, at stores.  My type A personality rarely lets me settle for anything less than the best.  This type of personality often leaves me feeling a sense of discouragement especially when something as important as a major celebration or holiday is impending.  This is the story of finding perfection in the imperfections and learning to rejoice in the hope that it can always get better: Pre-December I knew Christmas was going to be a big celebration this month.  We always go all out during Christmas: decorations, big meals, gifts... but this year would be different.  Whatever we did this year would set the traditions that we would carry on for the REST OF OUR PARENTAL LIVES....